| The Devil has a dream... |
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A rich African businessman decides to invade America to repatriate the African Americans with the motherland. Last night I had a dream. I dreamt I was in the cinema watching a movie about an African businessman. This man was very rich. The film took great pains to show his wealth. He had private jets. He had different Swiss bank accounts. He funded revolutions. He had three wives, ten kids. He had a fleet of cars. He also had a private army training in the bush. One day, he was watching a documentary on the African American experience in America. That documentary showed images of lynching, the Klu Klux Klan, the racist attitudes, the boycotts, the lynching and the beatings. This businessman was not impressed and he decided it was his duty to free his fellow Africans in a far off land and he started putting plans together to get all the African Americans to come back to Africa. He announced his plan at a press conference. Saying he was unhappy with America's treatment of his scattered cousins and that his army would, in seven days begin plans to evacuate the African Americans and bring them back to Africa. It was called "Operation Gathering The Scattered Cousins". This caught the world leaders off guard. He had to try and find countries interested in hosting these scattered cousins. This proved difficult because some of the African leaders weren't sure they wanted African Americans in their countries. What would Tiger Woods do? What would they do with Harry Belafonte? Did they really need 50 Cent, P Diddy, Dr Dre and others like them on their shores? Did this include the African Americans in prison? What about the millions on Death Row? Would the sentences be carried over? Could Colin Powell finally step out his master's voice and rule his own country? Maybe he could rule Senegal? The DRC? Libya? What about the francophone countries? The businessman was asked whether he shouldn't wait a bit and make sure that the African Americans themselves wanted to be liberated from the downpressor man. But he was adamant. They had to be freed. In the interest of justice. No African leader could dare oppose him because he had them all in his pocket. Poorer countries sided with him. There were however those that were opposed to it and they led protests. The US said that any attack on their soil would be treated as a declaration of war. The businessman said he didn't care and that in the end the African Americans would thank him because he is there to free them. Others asked whether he was receiving any support from other businessmen. He said he needed no coalition, as his pockets were deep. Others asked the 2nd richest businessman in Africa if there wasn't another solution to the situation. He said they should send a delegation of 12 to chat to the African American community to see if they wanted to really return back. Other African Americans already naturalised to whatever African country they had chosen saw nothing wrong with the plan. As the countdown neared, African Americans weren't too impressed that the US government didn't directly pledge to protect them but rather protect their soil. Some rightwing activists were happy to assist the African businessman. He received lots of donations, which he ploughed right back into arms he acquired from North Korea. The right-wingers in the States looked forward to the day when the US could be like Australia. Some African Americans wondered how the operation would work. No one was sure what kind of arsenal this businessman had. Some black people in Britain offered themselves as human shields. Other black people in France wondered if the gesture would extend to them. The West Indians Islands were also questioning their role in the operation. Some pledged to come and fight on the side of Africa if needs be. The businessman was clear. He was going into the US and that was it. The success of that operation would determine which European country he might invade next. The British Prime Minister and part time American Foreign Minister said his people were quite happy and he in fact ran a poll with the tagline-WOULD YOU GO or WOULDN'T YOU. They are still counting the votes. There was a problem somewhere. The African businessman had a peculiar habit of making a phone call before any speech and if you could lip read, you would swear he was always asking "am I doing well dad?" and from his expression you could swear that the reply had been "you are doing so well son". The businessman hadn't been the brightest bulb in the bunch. He had flunked school, had had alcohol and drug problems but he had come out of it rich rich rich but he still carried his phone with him. "Am I doing well dad?" "You are doing well son" Canada pledged to send troops to protect the US. The UN was quiet. Everyone wanted to know if Kofi Aanan fell into the category of African American. Plus if he were taken who would be the new general secretary? Who would fill all the vacant positions? People from around the world started sending their CV's to the States with the heading "When they are gone consider me". What would happen to the affirmative action? One lady wanted to know what would happen to their African American history? Others criticised the African American leadership of failing its people. The African businessman warned that people like OJ would be subject to stand a retrial in a proper African court. Would Martin Luther King's birthday be celebrated as a public holiday? What sports would they have to learn? Nigeria, who was sending troops to assist the businessman, insisted on getting the fittest African Americans to help their soccer team. Zimbabwe requested Colin Powell to stand for government immediately. They liked his chances against Bob or Morgan. Gaddafi said nothing except that they were all welcome to visit. And as the world protested against this impending war the businessman said "its for their good. I am freeing these people" and once again the phone call "how am I doing dad?" I woke up in a sweat. Looked at my watch. It was seven thirty. I only had to be at work at twelve. I went back to sleep. Happy in the knowledge that I had only been dreaming. The dream continued. I found myself in a world of chaos. The last of the African Americans had just arrived in Ghana. The war hadn't been great. There had been bloodshed. Some African Americans refused to leave and they were forced unto the ships and unto the planes. "It'll be better in Africa" they were told. Some African soldiers had gone missing in the States. It was assumed that they would start up another tribe. Maybe they would call themselves The Second Coming. There were some problems with the transport. Some planes tried to save the African Americans by flying them to other countries but ended up in deep trouble. Belgium refused to allow one of the planes to land and they soon ran out of petrol and crashed into the sea somewhere. Some tried to go back to the States but ended up getting shot down by mistake. There were casualties on both sides. The businessman however still went on television and told the world that Operation Gather The Scattered Cousins had been a success. He was a little taken aback at the resistance but he knew it was best for everyone. He started getting calls from other nations. China was keen to get a blueprint of his plan so they could start their own plans to bring some people back. The businessman said his plan was open to any nation. Back in Africa, the process was just starting. The Land Redistribution programmes in each country were now in more jeopardy than ever. The African Americans demanded their land back. Some wanted land next to Mandela's house. Mike Tyson wanted to retire to a farm and live out his days in peace. Lennox Lewis, still trapped in Britain was asked if he still wanted to fight Tyson on African soil. Lennox had no comment. He was wondering if he could avoid going to war because it was against his religion. Other African Americans were suing the African countries for reparations for selling them into slavery in the first place. The businessman had to tighten his security. He was now holed up in a villa. African leaders had to travel there to ask him what the plan was. As all this happened, other nations decided to test their manpower. Someone in Britain decided to get all the British Africans in Zimbabwe out. A petition was being sent around for the people of New Zealand and Australia for their past crimes. However, both countries were far and the petition was struggling to find support. Some people were still at large. Colin Powell was nowhere to be found. His poster was put up with a WANTED sign above it. All around the world people protested. No one played sport anymore. No one went out anymore. Everyone was either going to or coming from a protest. All around the world everyone tried to readjust to this new century. Only three years old yet already so bloodied. People walked around in fear. Not knowing what would come next. Not knowing whether we would have the stomach for whatever was coming next. Greeting everyone and hugging everyone like it would be the last time. Everyone went home and found comfort in watching the Africa Big Brother on MNET. The contestants were Whoopi Goldberg, Oprah Winfrey, Alice Walker, Patricia De Lille, Winnie Mandela, Graca Machel Mandela, Felicia Mabuza Suttle, Halle Berry, Angela Basset, Condeleeza Rice, Toni Morrison and Thembi from Boom Shaka. And through all this, the businessman who started it all just picked up his phone and dialled. "Have I done well dad?" |
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